The title here is of course taken from xkcd #15, “Just Alerting You”, which is slightly redundant in that the line is delivered by a stick person steering a dinosaur with reins. People meeting me have no such advance warning, and I get skewed looks when I start talking about cyborg unicorns.
So while I’m at work all day – an area where my freedom to be my naturally-odd self is restricted – I rely a bit on sticky notes to hold my bizarre thoughts. Anyone who found these would have a much clearer idea of what they were getting themselves into when they came to talk to me. The first one is from ages back, probably the start of last summer. It holds the following sentence fragments:
- immature nations with immature notions
This one was just a fun turn of phrase that I wanted to use in poetry. I visited France back in 2009 and never quite got used to historical plaques that said things like ‘Along this line, the first wall of the city was built in the 3rd century’. What. Canada’s not even 200 years old, and our current society certainly isn’t contiguous with the millennia of First Nations and Inuit history that preceded it. Sometimes I think we lack perspective.
- shiny rocks for bread and fire
My summary for the origins of financial theory.
- the new hamster propaganda
A term to describe the tendency for people to tell me to get over it when I have difficulty moving past a lost friendship or romantic attraction. Yes, there are plenty of other people to make friends with or flirt with or what have you, but this does not address the problem that none of those other people are the one I want to make contact with, any more than I’m going to stop mourning my hamster in a day by going out and getting a new one. Replacement is not the issue. I don’t understand why this seems to be an uncommon stance to take.
- Alexander Pope and His Ilk
- The Victorian Dickens
Both taken from Sarah’s photo of a whiteboard on which she summarised several hundred years of English literature because she was bored. I ran into this on a depressed morning and it filled me with joy. Both phrases would make exceptionally good band names.
- they say smoking takes the Tribulation off your life
The famous statistic is that smoking shortens your life by seven years. The Tribulation is the seven-year period during which certain types of Christians believe that God will pour horrendous torments onto the world prior to ending it entirely. (OBVS.) It is thus totally logically valid to conclude that anyone who would die by the end of the Tribulation but starts smoking in advance will die seven years earlier and skip all the seas of blood and plagues of locusts.
- the Tome of Many Facets
If a wizard wanted to invent social networking, the tech-appropriate solution would be to make many books that were all magically the same book, such that anyone who wrote or draw in their copy of the book would cause their words and drawings to appear in everyone else’s copies. One book with many facets. Facet-book.
- Dire Straights
I’m still trying to work out where this falls on the spectrum connecting ‘funny’ to ‘offensive’. The ‘dire’ prefix is applied to animals in Dungeons and Dragons or other fantasy situations to distinguish normal animals from bigger, tougher, often more ferocious variants. Dire wolves are probably the most common, but there are dire badgers, dire horses, dire spiders, and especially dire bears. Naturally, I concluded that ‘Dire Straights’ would be a great name for an all-QUILTBAG* tabletop roleplaying team.
I’m just saying that this post-it gives a quick impression of what it’s like being inside my head.
There are more such notes filled and more still being written. It is safe to assume they will also appear here in time.
*QUILTBAG: Queer/questioning, Undecided, Intergender/intersex, Lesbian, Transgender/transsexual/two-spirit, Bisexual, Asexual, Gay. More inclusive and easier to pronounce than stuff like LGBT. Must be careful to use as an adjective and not a noun – ‘a QUILTBAG’ is incorrect, ‘QUILTBAG people’ is okay.